How many times have you heard someone say, “Only if you listen, you would understand”?
More often than not, we think we know better. On the positive sides of things, sometimes, we are just so excited, and want to share what we know.
You are the expert in your field, and so, you expect other people to listen to you.
Are you guilty?
Technical skills and knowledge alone are not enough
I am a big fan of technical skills, knowledge, and building that strong foundational skillset that will cut you across as the expert.
Yes, I am that kind of girl. The nerd.
For those who don’t know me, and I bet you don’t, I have been working in management consulting for over 5 years. Before that, I was pretty much working on the “technical” side of things.
Many people have “management consulting” as an aspiring career. For all I know, I was one of them, and they also come from that technical mindset.
They think something similar to this statement…
“If I have technical knowledge, I will always be valuable.”
I was always consumed with learning the science behind certain things. I still am. In fact, when I joined consulting and found my colleagues creating those beautiful reports, I went and took an Infographics course just so I can beat them, in creating beautiful slides.
Beautiful slides creation is an area of my specialty.
But what use could those beautiful slides be if I am unable to communicate them?
That is not to say I am not a good communicator. In fact, I strongly believe I am. #SelfLove
Let me tell you something. Charisma is also not enough.
Technical skills will get you nowhere, unless, you master listening skills.
Charisma and charm could help, but true communication starts with listening
True communication stems from listening, and while you could create beautiful slides and be charming and charismatic, it still wouldn’t cut it for you.
They would definitely help, but it’s simply not enough.
I know, I heard it too, many times. Listen, just listen.
It’s much harder than it sounds.
Start with biting your lips
You hear them talking, you know you have got the answer. You know they misunderstood you.
All you want to do is stop them right there and tell them they are wrong. You want to tell them you have got the answer. If only they listen to you, you would give them the solution.
For the love of God, don’t stop them.
Bite your lips and stop yourself instead.
Listen.
I know. I know. It’s not easy.
But just shut-up and listen.
Then affirm
After they are done saying what they have to say, affirm that you have been listening.
Respond by saying something like, “I hear you” or “Understood”.
If they have something else to say, they will say it. They will say it until they have nothing else to say.
Reiterate your understanding
And this is when you start talking.
But before you rush and start saying what you want to say, do yourself a favor and reiterate your understanding of what they have just said.
Summarize what they said. Play it back to them, and if you want to really get on their good side, use the exact same words they have said. If they used the word “clever”, say “clever”, don’t say “smart”.
That stuff works on the subconscious level. They will like you more, they will trust you.
Mirror them.
Then pause.
Get a confirmation that you have understood them. That the summary of what they just said is right, even if it negates what you have to say, or your beliefs, recommendations, or solutions for that matter.
Play it back to them. Do it.
Mental pause, please.
Notice what you have done here?
- You listened. You truly did.
- You made them feel heard.
- You started to build trust.
Not bad. Right?
Share solutions to their problems
Once that initial level of trust is established, then you can start discussing your point of view.
Here is a trick, you could use one of those opening statements from the book, Exactly what to say, by Phil M. Jones
- “Would you be open-minded about…?”
- “How open-minded would you be about…?”
- “Just imagine…”
- “How would you feel if…?”
I love that book. It gives amazing little tricks that can do magic with your communication. I tried many of those statements, and they almost work every single time.
Anyhow…
When you discuss your point of view though, don’t forget about one thing. Reiterate one of the challenges they just mentioned, and then provide your recommendation.
No one likes a complainer but almost everyone loves a problem solver.
Step by step.
As you speak, take multiple pauses.
Give them space to ask questions if they need to.
Don’t speak so fast as if you are going to miss a train. No one is going anywhere.
Speak slowly and clearly.
Clear up their concerns
And when you are done, don’t ask “Does anyone have any questions?”
Instead, ask, “What questions do you have for me?”
Why?
You are redirecting the focus from them to you. Questions will not be about how smart they could be perceived, but about how you could better articulate what you have just said.
It makes a difference. Try it sometimes.
Final thoughts
I understand, the process, may sound simple, and just as it is easy to tell someone, “stop putting sugar in your tea and you will get used it.” Actually following this process takes practice, and eventually, you get used to it.
Take it step-by-step.
First, bite your lips and affirm, and when you get the hang of it, reiterate your understanding. Perhaps even do it bit by bit. The finish of one topic, then move to the next.
Just keep one thing in mind. Only share your solutions at the very end. Talk about your point of view, when you have heard it all.
It will pay off. Trust me.
About the Author
Sherwette Mansour is a Management Consultant, who’s obsessed with consumer behavior, behavioral economics, and truly exceptional customer experience. Sherwette is passionate about the written word; she believes that if it’s channeled properly, you would reach the hearts of whomever you want to influence, be that your customer, your manager, or even your spouse.
